Rolling Stone

I just liked this cover. 

Ha. Do you think it's a photo shoot or

someone from RS just opened his bedroom door 

and yelled SURPRISE!

Anyway, under TV's LONG HOT SUMMER tag..

see Breaking Bad?

Watch it.

Season 5 starts mid-July.

It's so good. 

Do it.

Say Huh?

Drake and Tyra?

Dating?

Could be.

Hmmmmmmm.

The Fartain of Youth

The fact that married men live longer than bachelors is something that the Today Show brings up a couple times a year on slow news days. Who knows if it's even true.

Irregardless (as we say in Southern Indiana), I was looking for a movie at Blockbuster tonight

and was cropdusting all over the place. I saw a few couples on what looked like really lame date nights and I had a thought bubble.

"Before I got married I had to go to Blockbuster with my girlfriend and hold all my farts in. I bet that's dangerous."

I have since (30 minutes) developed the following theory, and I don't want to get all scientific or nothin', but: Men live longer after they're married because they don't have to hold all that endole, scatole, and hydrogen sulfide (look it up if you're not Bill Nye) inside but rather can blow it all over the surrounding furniture, grocery store, or random couple making the horrible mistake of renting "Precious" on their first date.

I guess women don't get the same benefit since they don't ever let the barking spider out of its cage. Plus, even if they did, I've poisoned my wife's pillow so many times while she was in the bathroom that it would negate any health benefit she might've received from a "therapoot."

Look Out, World

Somehow, the University of Alaska's hockey team isn't undefeated. Which is really bizarre, since they blew up all of the opposing teams' entire campuses. Enjoy their intro video, which I believe has since been purchased by the Republican National Convention.

Alaska Nanooks 2010 Hockey Intro from Szymon Weglarski on Vimeo.

Somehow "Mortal Kombat" was left off the soundtrack. I'm sure they'll update it for the 2010 season after the movie comes out in Alaska.

I Still Hate Justin Long

We had been saving for a laptop for some time, mainly to increase the amount of time my wife and I actually spent in the same room. I know that's bad. But she would be saggy knees deep in a Nip/Tuck marathon, and I would be searching for deals on Steep and Cheap, both very important tasks, and it was taking away from the immense, overwhelming satisfaction we each get from being in the other's company. Maybe a little overstated.

So we asked around, and all of our friends who owned MacBooks couldn't say enough about them. I had been a longstanding Apple hater because it's ridiculous to call him "Steve" and put Apple bumper stickers on your Prius, but that was somewhat mitigated after I got an iPhone and realized there really was something special and different that my Nokia 5165 just didn't have.

So we saved a little extra coin and got a 13" MacBook Pro, which I will never call MBP no matter how many times Wired does.

Lil John's MacBook Pro (WHAT!!!)

It hasn't been quite a religious experience as there's been no violation of areas covered by my bathing suit, but there's a reason why these things are so popular. Granted, a lot of it is hype and they've probably sold more than a few just because the box is so dang cute, but just like my iPhone, it's apparent from the moment you turn it on that this thing was created with the user in mind. I've owned only PCs in the past, and in comparison they've felt like the sum of a bunch of components that were more forced to fit together rather than designed to improve the overall experience. I know all about Apple's reputation for being extremely restrictive, and I'm salty that it wants to convert all my MP3s to a format only Apple uses, but using this thing is like using my thumb.

So while my iPhone can't capture the magic of my monophonic "Push It" ringtone (actually, it probably can), and I feel like a piece of me is missing without having to defrag weekly, the trade off is worth it, and I'm glad to be funding those poppy psychadelic iPod commercials. Thanks Steve!!!

Please Accept This Gift

My wife has an addiction. Sure we go through more wine than The Man Hole in Chicago, but her real drug of choice is Intervention, the show that follows families so desperate to get their loved ones off "dope" (as my father in-law calls every drug) that they're willing to humiliate themselves and the addict by actually stepping foot in what appears to be a Hampton Inn.

I know the whole theory about how watching really dysfunctional people on TV makes us all feel better about the wayward nature of our own lives, but what my wife doesn't see is that these people are EVERYWHERE, not just on A&E from 9-11pm. In the hospital I see addicts every day just after they've reached their own personal un-best, and they're often about as glamorous as the Lady of Leisure.

So if any of you have connections with Ken Seeley, drop me a line. And don't even try coming with that Candy or VanVonderan $#!t, as that's a real quick way to lose her to the DVR. Intervention's just the gateway show to Hoarders, you know.

A funny Intervention parody with Fred Armisen.

The Fact That Your Team Name is Synonymous with Bowel Movement is Fitting

I never cared too much for Bill Simmons' ESPN column. I appreciate his attempts to meld two of his favorite topics, pop culture and sports, together, but sometimes sports are just sports. Steve Nash and Dirk Nowitzki's relationship was never really comparable to Locke and the Smoke Monster's. As far as I know, he never compared those two, but you get the idea...

The B.S. Report is pretty entertaining, though. The podcasts where he talks to his buddies (Jacoby, House, Cousin Sal) are usually funny and interesting. Anyway, I admit that I look for a new podcast every day and relish the days when there's a two-parter. Just gravy.

So Bill was talking to Chuck Klosterman a couple days ago, and Klosterman was arguing that racism drives the hatred many sports fans have toward Duke basketball. As in, people hate Duke because it's traditionally a bunch of over-achieving white dudes.

Which made me wonder if CKlost has ever seen a Duke game.

I've been an ardent Duke detractor (read "hater") since I was old enough to hate anything but bedtime and brushing my teeth. The reason I hate Duke doesn't have anything to do with racism and everything to do with their endless cast of loathable hacks: Laettner, Hurley, Wojochowkielbasa, JJ, and those were just the players my wife would recognize.

The reason Dook attracts such enmity is because they remind people of the rich kids either at their own high school or a cross-town rival. They play like they really don't think you're worthy of being on the court with them (Chris Duhon's comment on Duke's ACC supremacy), they slap the court on defense,

flop like soccer players, and have a collection of fans who look like the closest to an actual sport they've ever been was playing Yahoo! chess.

If they don't blow it in the conference championship, it looks like Duke will be a number one seed heading into the tourney. That's good news for the 8 or 9 seed that gets to play them in round two, so long as they can stop a barrage of 12-foot jumpers and don't get too distracted by the Dukies' uniforms, complete with ascots.